Quake 4

Played on Xbox360

Considering that Quake 3 opted out of a singleplayer campaign entirely, I wasn’t expecting much from the Quake 4 singleplayer campaign. But it wasn’t half bad. It’s a title you’d want to rent, not buy, but at least I was entertained the whole way through.

The aspect that keeps Quake interesting is its variety of fun weapons. I’ve been on a FPS singleplayer kick lately, and I’ve gotta say that the weapon selection in the games out there is boring me to tears. I don’t care if the rate of fire is different and the clip size is larger - it’s still just another freaking machine gun! Quake 4 has a machine gun, but it only has one. And it’s got a lot of other weapons that are, you know, fun.

Killing someone with lightning is fun. Creating a dark matter vortex is fun. Gleefully lobbing grenades everywhere is fun. Shooting hundreds of tiny exploding nails is fun.

Well, it’s not all fun. Getting stuck with a crappy save where you have 25 health is no fun. I’m not sure why in this day and age shooters are still struggling with health/armor systems. Halo solved this problem years ago: give the player regenerative shields. As long as you survive an encounter, you’re reset to a known-good state of health. It makes game balancing way easier, and less obvious for that matter (“Hey, here’s a big unattended cache of health packs and armor! I wonder if there’s a boss encounter coming up…”). The downside of course is that with no health system at all (as Halo 2 opted to do) you lose the sense of being “worn down” over some long epic encounter. I’m not saying ditch health entirely - I’m saying get with the times and start thinking about “out of combat” health resets/regeneration. And obviously “shields” don’t fit into every shooter’s lore, but the same idea can be applied anywhere. Hell, if you’re already in the business that saying that health packs can heal the protagonist’s bullet-riddled body, you should be flexible on spontaneous regeneration.

But ignore the antiquated health system and long load times (which you may get very familiar with due to said health system). I applaud Quake 4 for not trying to be too serious. Sure the whole space marine motif is almost as tired as WW2 shooters. But at least Quake 4 doesn’t waste effort trying to make too much sense. These are games people, not combat simulators.

The one inexcusable aspect of Quake 4? The frame rate. This is a console, not some random PC with a bargain bin video card. Get with the program.

So You Think You're America's Next Top Idol

I finally got around to watching the Seattle auditions for American Idol. I generally don’t follow the show, although I have caught a couple other season’s audition portions. When the show starts becoming about actual talent, I lose interest. Which may seem odd, because it’s the same format as So You Think You Can Dance, which I enjoy. But it turns out that dancing is infinitely more entertaining to watch than singing.

Anyway, I was recently having a discussion with a friend about whether the fact that the show was just a thin cover for making fun of these people was okay or not. I say… yes?

These judges are not coming to you while you sing in the shower. Nor are they even criticizing your performance in Karaoke Revolution (although if you get the latest PS2 version, maybe they will). They’re not even heckling you at your favorite karaoke bar. No. You decided that you were such hot shit that you flew from Kansas to audition on television in front of them, full well knowing that they got famous for saying nasty things to people just like you. The real problem? A lack of self awareness.

The people auditioning for American Idol come from a generation that has grown up under the curtain of political correctness. In this fantasy world nobody ever says anything mean about anyone else. Ever. Somehow in the land of free speech unwelcome opinions have become the next WMDs. The result? Mobs of people whose self perception is so unnaturaly inflated up that they fly thousands of miles to audition for a singing competition where they’re expected to be good enough to inspire millions of voters in order to win.

For next time, here’s your pre-flight checklist:

• Have you ever sung in front of other people before?
• Did these people enjoy your performance?
• Are any of the people who enjoyed your performance not your mother?
• Do you have friends who think this is a good idea?

The show’s name is American Idol. As in something worth worshipping. If you’ve got the balls to claim that you’re worthy of America worshipping you, you’d better be ready for some criticism. Alas, it seems that 90% of our would-be demigods are freakishly disfigured trolls with no social awareness, no taste in music, think being on key is “subjective,” and can’t tell that everyone else is laughing at them until some English guy says something mean.

More laughing at ourselves, less taking everything too seriously.

Beauty and the Geek

I wouldn’t call myself a fan of the whole reality television thing. But it has become such a large category that it’s really hard to ignore. So I find myself stopping to think about what differentiates a reality show that makes me want to throw up and one that sucks me in and won’t let go.

The obvious answer is that the ones that I like are the ones with real people. But how do you know which shows have real people and which don’t. The trick is looking at what the “goal” is of the show. Is it a cash prize? Bring on the gold diggers.

No one wants to be crowned America’s Next Top Model and get a modelling contract unless they, you know, want to be a model. It’s not like you can trade that contract in for cash. That’s not to say that there aren’t drama queens that dominate the show’s content, nor that the show itself is high brow. But for better or worse, those are in fact real people with real personal goals.

A less trashy example would be So You Think You Can Dance. That show has people with real talent. Yes, they need money. Yes, they need a job. But the point of the show is about how well they can leverage their talent. Not how much they love money.

Anyway, what brought about this particular round of thought is Beauty and the Geek. What makes this show really interesting is that it is half filled with honest people looking for self improvement, and half filled with those seeking profit. It’s a meta-reality show.

The geeks are sometimes extreme characters, but more often they’re scarily familiar (at least if you run in the circles I do). They couldn’t care less about the cash prize, because honestly they’re mostly all on a lucrative path anyway. The geeks are there to better themselves. And as a result they don’t game the show. Instead they make friends.

The beauties, on the other hand… well… they’re largely overrun with horrible reality show tropes. They form alliances, back stab each other, disrespect their geek partners, sunbathe through anything interesting, and generally focus on the money.

The point of the show is to see if even one can pull themselves out of a superficial shame spiral and become a better human being, or if all the others will cannibalize them first and leave the alpha as the victor. And it’s hard not to find that entertaining.